Little Human, dog and I have started visiting churches. Partly because generally wherever we go there are 3 of us and our options as a trio are limited...And given the UK’s mono climate of rain, churches offer us a place to be: where the imagination of Little Human can run wild, where dog can stretch out and sleep and where I can sit in a pew and write. And yes we could leave dog alone in the house but personally that doesn’t seem entirely fair, so it's churches.
Luckily they’re wonderful places to hang out in.
And dear Jesus should there be any chance you are reading this, I am thinking: is this totally appropriate? Because yes I am contemplating and sitting there in the churches I do feel inspired to think of the sacred. Because these churches are so unbelievably beautiful and most are very simple: slabs of stone, with the occasional stained glass window adding a bit of blossom to the scene. And they draw you in these windows. Each tell a story that I think about and wonder and generally have a big no no reaction to, but art says something and the reality oculd have been quite different. I think of Buddha too. And I think of Mary and women and I get to reflect. Which is rare really in our go go world. Reflection. What a waste of time...
But also dear Jesus you did get angry on the Sabbath when folk were working. And well yes I am using the time to also write as Little Human plays and dog snoozes. I can only add that generally we don’t visit on the Sabbath, more in the week days and if we do go on weekends then boyfriend will be there too. So were you to walk in and see Little Human, dog and I, my hope is that you wouldn’t be too incensed. We’re fairly quiet. Little Human busies herself marrying teddies, or if my boyfriend is with us, my boyfriend and I. And seeing as marriage is something that petrifies both the both of us, this is a game that enables us to play at something that neither of us are sure we want and yet if I am truthful maybe a tiny part of me does.
So Jesus, I am slowly intrigued. Because as Robert Johnson points out, as a result of us lot declaring that God doesn’t exist we’ve unconsciously gone and hurled our longing for the divine, for the sacred onto our relationships. Be God to me! We demand of our husbands and boyfriends. Be a goddess to me! We screech of our wives and girlfriends. And yet in doing so we overlook one central fact: the divine is not within our ability to give to one another. We are humans. Mortal. This is something the Hindus get and why they have so many gods Johnson argues. Marriage is not a place to come together with your god or your goddess, it is a place to forge a partnership of support and friendship. Which of course to our romantic obsessed western world sounds awfully dull. And yet we seem to struggle so much in relationships. At least I have. And so over some years I started thinking about churches and their absence in my life. And now I am visiting and checking them out. Sacred spots. Scattered around. So far we have never arrived when there is a service going on, although I look forward to that day, as I would love for us all to join one. So dear Jesus I hope that you wouldn’t get too angry. Women and children and dogs – we like movement - but like the Sufi’s we can hold God in our hearts as we play.